Monday, May 10, 2010

Acceptance


"When we learn to accept ourselves as we are, right here and now, we can then learn to accept others as they are, knowing they cannot fulfill our expectations, only their own. We must remember, we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves.
On this day, I accept who and what I am, and I accept each of you, as you are, right now. From here, we can only grow...
"


I have a situation I've been mulling over for the past few days, that has taught me a lot. Not just about myself, but about how we feel about and view others in our lives. I'm going to try to explain some of what this is all about, and at this point, I'm not too sure I have the words, so please bear with me, as Mercury Retrograde eeks out it's last breaths, this time around. 

This is also about being true to who you are, at all times, and not pandering to others, or being a "People Pleaser". It's about not letting others guilt you into not doing things you enjoy, and not letting others abuse you in any way, to get you to conform to their wishes, or expected behaviour. And it's about learning to accept yourself and others, for who you are in the here and now. 

But, of course, I have to tell you a story, which is my way, in order to explain it all!

I've been an environmental activist since I was a small child. I remember being somewhere between 6 and 8 years old, when I staged my first protest for Mother Earth. Looking back, I realize now that this is the Inner Child part of myself that I really admire. She was free to speak her mind, and boy, did she! I also remember being given the information about the state of the Earth at that time, and being left to dwell on it, on my own, and allowed to do with it what ever I chose. I wasn't stifled in this regard, not by parents or teachers. It's a little cute, looking back on it now, but it had a huge effect on my life. Because I wasn't stifled, I continued to protest, and these things have always been important to my life. It's part of who I am. 


Fast forward to oh, let's say five years ago. My outspokenness caused me to come to the attention of one who was not healthy, and who retaliated by slandering me to many of my friends, and to complete strangers. I tried fighting back, but at the time, I wasn't healthy enough myself to do so effectively. This was actually the straw that broke the camels back, and what finally allowed me to seek out the healing that I needed. Unfortunately, I didn't see this situation as IT was, instead, I blamed myself. 

Feeling like a victim due to abuse for most of my life, I didn't feel that I had the right to speak out anymore, and I shut up for a while. To be honest, I felt I was being punished for speaking my mind. It took a lot of work for me to learn that I am allowed to do as I please, and that no one has the right to tell me differently. Each of us has this same right. No one can force you to do anything, or not to do anything, against your will. 


Once more, let's fast forward, this time to the present. This is where it gets tricky, for it is not my intention to harm unhealthy individuals who have attempted to stifle me due to their own insecurities. Yet, I wish to tell you a little about it...


Friendship should not be used as a tool with which to punish others when they do not behave as we expect. True friendship begins when we accept ourselves, and everyone else, for exactly what they are, at this very minute. Each of us has issues, myself among them. Each of us is on our very own true path. Each of us must learn our very own lessons, in our very own way, in order to progress in this life. And, most importantly, we must not interfere in the lessons of others, for they may not be ready to hear the truth. When they are ready for the words that heal, they will be there for them, just as yours will be there for you. Creator puts everything in our Path that we need, when we need it. No one else has the ability to do this. Everything in it's time, and we don't set the time frame for others, only the Creator does.


If you've deciphered the above, you'll realize that someone has attempted to use friendship as a tool to punish me for speaking my mind, or, at least, that's how it feels to me. 


I remember my mother withdrawing her love when she felt I had done something she disapproved of. Now I know that in raising children, we should always let them know they are loved, even when they do something wrong. If we communicate to the child the why's of what they've done wrong, in a way they can understand, they will grow from the experience. If, instead, we isolate or abandon them, they know not what they've done to displease us, or why. Understanding evolves from communication. This applies to adults as well as to children. 


If our spouse/lover/significant other does something that makes us angry, we must communicate and tell them how we feel, or they'll be left standing there shaking their head, confused. Not to mention the fact that our anger comes from our own personal experience, and is a reflection within ourselves of something we feel insecure about. In other words, we aren't really angry at the other person, we're angry at ourselves. And most of the time, if we can find the source of this anger, it will be much easier to explain our feelings to the other party involved. 


Often we need to take time to examine our feelings, instead of just flying off the handle. As I said at the beginning of this blog, I've been mulling over all of this for days, waiting for the Truth to emerge, so I could speak on it, both coherently, and with compassion and acceptance. Sure, I was angry as all hell for a couple of days, but I had to take the time to look within myself, to find any fault I may have had in the situation, or any lessons I could learn from it, before I felt comfortable speaking about it. 


As a reminder, when we point a finger at another, we are pointing three fingers back at ourselves. This is the way I was taught, to always find my culpability in any situation, before placing blame on others. Unfortunately, I was taught a little too well, and had to spend time learning to not always blame myself. I would encourage others to do the same. There is no blame. There is only acceptance of both yourself and others, as they are right now. Quite often, we don't know what causes others to be quick to anger, we just have to remember that it's their issue, not our own, and not to take it on ourselves. 


I find that many have tried to stifle me in my life, and that has made me all that more determined to speak my mind. Part of this may be ego, I admit it. At the same time, the one's who are attempting to stifle, may be using their own ego as reason for doing so. Which is fine, I accept that, and accept them as they are. I also accept myself, as I am. Bottom line tho, is that I must answer to my own Truth, not to that of others, and I must accept responsibility for all that I am, and all that I do. This is my path, and I will walk it, in the way I feel is right for me, and by doing so, I am allowing others to do the same. 


I surround this situation with the love and light of the Whirling Rainbow of Peace, knowing that all will be as it should be, as it is meant to be. 


Thank you for listening!


And how are you treating yourself today? 
Know that you are loved, and you are surrounded by love, each and every minute of your life.


Love and Healing to all,
Walk in Beauty...




2 comments:

Leviathan said...

I feel the pain of your narrative. You must admit that the motives of those that would use friendship as a "wedge" is unhealthy. Kudos to you for realizing that it's your own reaction to the situation that's important. Stick to your guns.

Like you I am going through some soul-searching lately. (The reading you did for me? Only the timing was off)

CricketSong said...

I totally understand what you're saying with this entry. I found myself nodding my head as I read.

"Bottom line tho, is that I must answer to my own Truth, not to that of others, and I must accept responsibility for all that I am, and all that I do. This is my path, and I will walk it, in the way I feel is right for me, and by doing so, I am allowing others to do the same."

So true! I completely agree. Bright blessings.